Flowers, Friends, and Fur

*steps on soap box*

I know I fought like a wildcat for TinkerBean's Asperger diagnosis.  I did it to get her the services she needs.  It was an extremely hard, up hill battle that I wouldn't wish on anyone.  However, my dear friends with school age children that are having difficulties in school, please stop fighting the help the schools are trying to get your kids.  Don't have a fit and force your child into a grade that they aren't ready for.  There IS a reason they are falling behind.  It's not just the teachers.  A label isn't a bad thing, it's just a word.  A word that has gotten my daughter so much help that will hopefully enable her to be a better individual and 'mainstream'.  A word that may or may not follow her throughout her life.  Here's a tidbit for you.  You have a word too.  Yes, therapy is expensive.  Yes, you may have to give up eating out every weekend and buying a $200 purse every month.  Yes, your child is worth it.  Yes, it will help.

*steps off soap box*

What does this equal?  Asperger's + generalized anxiety disorder + selective mutism + sensory perception disorder + anhydrous = TinkerBean  And I love every bit of her equation.  Good think I'm not scared of math :)

Yeah, I know I've been MIA, but it's not for lack of trying.  There's end of year school parties, IEP meetings, and my job has not given me a break.  Not that I mind, but this blog and my sewing are sadly being neglected (along with my housework)!!

Little Man's last day of school was yesterday.  He was very excited that morning but very unsure by the end of the party.  Little Man's best friend, who is the exact same age and born at the same hospital, felt the same way.  They spent a lot of time playing with each other and ignoring the other kids.  They are the smallest class in the school, both kid and class size, so the bigger kids can be overwhelming.  He's very excited about summer but hasn't quite grasped the idea that TinkerBean doesn't get out of school until June 14th!  Thank you snow days (most that were not needed).  Here are a few pics of Little Man and his last day!

Today I lost a friend.  I guess she wasn't much of a friend based on what she said and attempted to justify.  Words can be as beautiful as the first flower after the harshest winter and they can be as sharp as a scalpel blade.  Public forums are sounding boards for our thoughts, hopes, daily struggles, and funny moments.  As an adult with morals that I hope to instill in my children I would never post certain words or phrases that are taken derogatory towards a certain group of people based on their religion, gender, sex, mental status, sexual preference or race.  I would hope that the people I picked as my friends would agree and have similar thoughts about what they would say on public forum for all to read, including their own child.  Then to continue on a tirade about how they can say anything they want and use the same phrase and conitations over and over again.  Honestly, it made her look uneducated and like the phrase she was using.  Just because words exist doesn't make it right to use them.  We make impressions about what type of person we are based on our words.  Kindness and compassion will carry a person further in relationships than spewing hate.  In the end the hate she spewed made her look worse and worse.  Yelling isn't effective communication.  I removed her from my phone, networking accounts, and life.  I reflected on our 'friendship' and realize I did much more for her than she ever did for me.  I made the right decison and have logged this away in my memory for when TinkerBean and Little Man are older and have a similar situation. 

Tolerance.  It's defined as: 

I'm afraid this blog is going to turn into my own personal sounding board for Asperger's and TinkerBean.  I'll try to stop it soon, but for now, it is what it is.
There's tons of information out there on AS and how it affects kids/adults.  Here's the tricky thing...it's different for everybody.  That's why it's called a spectrum. 

Motorcycle Man and I have had a few conversations when we've been kid free and we are getting our plan ready.  The problem I'm running into is he's so overprotective he is having issues with her doing anything outside of school and home.  I think it's just his own way of dealing with AS.  We're making progress, slowly but progress none the less.

Sassy!  In her Easter Shirt I made!

AS kiddos tend to obsess over items or topics.  NBC's Parenthood shows a glimpse into the life of a tight knit family with an AS child, Max.  Last night, Max had a meltdown while waiting for his cousin to get out of emergency surgery.  While it showed a tantrum, it was mild and down played.  At least they showed the huge mistake of the grandfather yelling and making it worse.  Max is obsessed with bugs.  Currently, TinkerBean's obsession is "row row row your boat gently down the stream, merrily merrily...." you get it.  She sings it non stop.  In the car, at school, at the Easter Egg Hunt, before bed, and I swear I heard her sing it in her sleep about 4 am this morning.  That's right judge me if you want, my kiddos sleep with me every night.  On the weekends, they sleep in their room and I sneak out to my bed with Motorcycle Man (but he snores and I usually end up on the couch-still love you honey).  Also, if you noticed I was up at 4 am, I've developed insomnia since Tink's diagnosis.  If I get 3 hours of sleep I'm happy.  Sadly, I'm living with lots and lots of coffee.  Oh well.

Sunday morning we were headed to a date with the Easter Bunny.  We were all ready to go hunt some eggs and play some games.  Well, LittleMan had a collision with a chair and we had to take a deter to Brenner's Children's ER.  It's been 3 months since our last visit.  The Dr recognized him.  *face palm*.  The triage nurse told me she has 4 boys and ends up in the ER once a month.  Thank God I only have 1 boy!!  They were able to glue his head back together!  Of course we missed the Easter Bunny and had to follow him to the mall since there's only 1 Easter Bunny.

Little Man in the ER crib after getting glued back together.

I'm starting today with a song
After the Storm

Here are the lyrics:


And now why this song is so meaningful to me.  Yesterday, I got a punch in the gut.  Not literally, but figureatively.  TinkerBean officially has Asperger's Syndrome.  I sat on the too comfy cough in the Doctor's office and let him bitch slap me.  I took it stoically and without emotion, however, internally I will never be able to tell anyone how I felt.  I have told a few members of family, a few close friends, and her teachers.  Now you know.  Now go listen again.  This is our hill.  There is no blame, no answers why and I will not ask or answer those questions.  God, Thank You for blessing me with this child and may You have mercy on anyone who stands in our way this journey to "get over your hill and see what you find there, with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair"
People at Barnes and Nobles think I'm crazy.  I probably am.  See no one has seen me cry about it.  I've not lost it or let it show.  I've been brave, TinkerBean doesn't know and won't for a while.  How do you explain to your child her brain is different?  How do you accept it?  I want to scream "Fuck you Asperger's why my kid?  Doesn't she have enough to deal with?"  It's one thing to suspect something, but a complete other to have a world renowned Specialist in Austim Spectrum Disorders tell you your child has Asperger's.  It becomes real, palpable, undeniable.  I was not caught unaware, but it was still a shock.  Back to B&N.  I went to B&N while waiting for Best Buy to open and put out a fire (a whole other story for another day).  I perused the parenting special needs kids and went to craft books.  There was a gentleman in the home repair section.  I feel so bad for him.  I spent 15 mins 'losing my noodle'.  He wanted to say something and run away from the crazy lady crying in front of knitting books.  Finally, his flight instinct won and I was alone.  Stupid knitting books, I don't even like to knit.
Emotions are high but I can give you a piece of advice.  If someone tells you their child has Austism, Asperger's, PPD-NOS, Sensory Perception Disorder, or any other non life threatening special need don't say I'm sorry, because we're not.  God gives us these kids because we can deal with this, we may cry and yell and vent, but we will prevail.  It's not always a bad thing.  For those of you who said I'm sorry, don't worry, yesterday I needed that, but today, today is new

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

Got the new fridge yesterday morning at 7:45 am!!  TinkerBean was only 30 mins late for school, so the delivery worked out great.  The fridge was cold by noon.  Now if I only had some food to put in it.  Today will include a trip to at least 3 stores.  See that's the problem when you have to use certain foods and try to do organic cheaply, which in itself is a conundrum.  It has an alarm if the door is open for more than 60 secs, I hope it helps teach the kiddos to actually close the door.

I want you to meet my new best friend, the only thing that has gotten me through the last 5 days.  I am addicted to his warm yummyness and don't care who knows it.  There is probably a support group I'll be attending in a few years for addiction, but I'm ok with that.  Yep, Keurig Mini and don't forget this:  YUM YUM YUM!


Well worth the money and I don't know how I lived without it.

Sad news on the dog front.  All but one of the puppies from the older mom, Bridget (the Celtic God of fertility) have died.  I swear not only was her prenatal care non-existent, but the puppies just seemed so small and not full term.  The one living puppy will have to be bottle fed and honestly, I will be surprised if it survives at all.

Pet your pups, cats, and frogs (or other furry, scaly, wet pets) and hug your kiddos.  Have a wonderful Saturday!

This has been the worst week of the entire year.  NOTHING has gone the way it should.  It is Wednesday.  I've been without a refrigerator since Monday.  The new one won't be here until Friday.  I can say I am a little excited about getting a new fridge, but not about paying for one.    We bought an LG since the warranty is 7 years.  The old fridge is a GE and I will NEVER purchase another GE appliance again.  The salesman swore it was the best and would last us 15 years without it needing anything.  We dumped almost $400 into the thing last year and it didn't last another year.  It didn't even make it 5 years without needing service.  So learn from my mistake, don't lose over $500 in food-don't buy GE!

The little people have driven me crazy.  Yes, I know last week was Spring Break and they were stuck inside most of the time.  Yes, I know TinkerBean was sick for all but 2 days of last week.  Yes, I know all this, but can they just cut me a little slack and either play solo for 30 mins or at least just stop beating each other.  Okay, let me rephrase that.  Can Little Man PLEASE stop being so mean to his sister.  If I have to put him in time out one more time this week he will have officially spent more time there than anywhere else including sleep.  It's only Wednesday-where is the weekend?!?

TinkerBean is having a hard time getting back in the school grove.  She's not sleeping enough at home or school and she's not listening.  I kind of hate Spring Break because it confuses her so.  I will be glad for next Monday to get the results of her testing she had a month ago.  We may get an actual final answer to the is it Austism, Aspergers, PPD-NOS, or just really severe SPD and anxiety.  At this point I can honestly say I have zero care if she's diagnosed with one or more things.  I just want to get her the help she needs so she can function normally as an older child, teen, and adult.  She tries to 'mainstream' and she's so sweet.  She knows I've had a BAD few days and she's spending her 30 mins of down time playing with my hair (she knows it relaxes me and I think it does her too).    What a sweet kiddo. 

Little Man turned 3 a few days ago.  Within hours of his actual time of birth he flipped the brat switch to overdrive and it has been stuck there ever since.  He constantly whines.  God give me strength!  I can say I love him more than humanly possible, I can also say Thank God he was second or he's be an only child, and I truly understand why gerbils eat their babies.  Also, I hate potty training and really need a day or 2 away.

Girl puppy is doing really well.  I'm hoping to wear Motorcycle Man down and keep her.  I know he's not ready for another dog (he really misses Hammy) but Nubz is TinkerBean and his dog and I need some canine companionship!

Girl Puppy

We pulled another dog (among many) today.  We committed to taking her last week, but couldn't get transport until this Friday.  She's a sweet 8-9 year old yellow girl that was surrendered to a high kill shelter by a woman who bred her twice a year for the last 8 years.  What a horrid life, I honestly think there is a special place for her when she dies.  Back to the point.  I got a phone call yesterday on the way to Home Depot and they tell me she had puppies the night of the nasty storm.  10 puppies!  There are now 9, but hopefully all will be well and she will be able to feed them.  She's a cutie, but way too old to be having pups.

New Momma + 9

I am (kind of) guessing they are pure, since she was from a breeder and they are all yellow, chocolate, and 1 black.













Sewing this week has been a major flop.  I think it has to do with my frustration and increasingly thinning patience.  I can't seem to figure out pattern instructions.  I hate bias tape.  Let me repeat that louder.  I HATE BIAS TAPE.  I also think patterns are over complicated.  I'm making a few things for the kids and either I am the dumbest human on earth or there is no reason for these things to be this hard.  I am hoping for sanity and clarity and a few uninterrupted hours to sew this weekend. 

I will have a fridge soon and I will finish a sewing project too!!